Life...

For my "resolutions" this year I made a list of 10 things that I want to accomplish, in no particular order.  I made my list at the first of the New Year but forgot to post it here.  Funny, because one of my 10 things is to update my blog more often...  anyway here is my list:

1) Get a job as a CNA
     *  apply as often as I can at hospitals - try to get into one of their nursing programs

2) Finish prerequs and apply for Nursing Program at SLCC
     *  Pass Chemistry and Chemistry Lab with B+s or higher
     *  Pass Physiology and Physiology Lab with B- or higher

3) Lose 50 pounds
     *  go back to the gym 4+ times a week
     *  when its nice out, take the kids to the park and go on walks and bike rides with them
     *  Eat healthier and cook dinner at home as often as possible
     *  take lunch to school instead of eating out

4) Take my kids to church on the weekends that I have them

5) Update my blog at the very least, monthly
     * I don't keep a journal so write things in your blog even if its just a few sentences.

6) When the weather is nice do something with the kids each weekend I have them.  Try new things!
     * Take the kids camping several times, even if its just me and the kids.
     * go to the Gateway and let the kids play in the water
     * go on hikes - donut falls, brical veil falls, alpine loop, etc.
     * go fishing
     * take the kids to a hotel for a nigh just to play and swim
     * Antelope Island
     * Saltaire
     * Childrens museum in Ogden
     * Visit Price

7) Stand up for myself when dating and don't worry so much about "finding" someone.

8) Stay in better contact with my family and friends

9) Get all debt paid off, except school loans (start paying on them when you go back to work)

10) Appreciate more, all that life has given me and be more patient with my kids.
 

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

- Helen Keller

I feel like a teenager when it comes to guys.  After my "head over heels in love with Mike post", i've been debating on whether or not I should delete it.  Of course things did not turn out as I had hoped.  Mike actually moved out here and then cheated on me and got caught.  He ended up moving back to Ohio and most of his stuff is still here in Utah at my home.  This happened mid November.  I've felt like such a fool and like such a kid for not seeing things more clearly.  But i've decided to leave my post up to remind me.  It's ok to really like someone and to even fall for them.  I don't want to become one of those bitter women, that hate men.  I am trying my best to learn from the situation and move on.

Its funny... I was at my brothers house a few nights ago and he referred to me as one of the kids.  His wife said that he thinks of me as one of the kids because of my "man" situation.  Because I date a lot and talk with guys and have things happen, like his 18 year old daughter does.  It makes me laugh, but in a way it really sucks because I hate being at this age (37 nearly 38) and feeling like my life has had to start all over.

I have so much to be thankful for though.  I have wonderful amazing children that make me smile everyday.  We have our struggles, but I can't imagine my life without them.  They give my life purpose and meaning and there are days where that is the only thing that keeps me going.

So I have wanted a tattoo for a long time, but im such a chicken and I really hate pain.  I've finally decided to get one though.  My sister, Stephanie and her husband, Cody, have some awesome tattoos.  I went and saw them both get worked on the other day.  They each have quite a large tattoo that is "in process".  I hope I can go through with mine.  My sister says its quite painful and Cody says it doesn't really hurt at all.  I think I would be more like my sister, lol.  Anyway I've looked at tons of tattoos and found a few that I liked and then drew a combination of them, making my own tattoo.  So here is a picture of what I came up with, color and all.  I took it to the tattoo artist and he will probably make a few changes.  Will see what it looks like in the next week or two with changes.  But for now, here is what I came up with.

As October 7th approaches I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my mind and heart.  I have been talking with Michael Quairry since June this year.  We have spent countless hours talking on the phone, he calls me every morning to wish me a good day, we text throughout each day and talk via web cam when he is at home.  William and Jessica talk with him on the phone and love to talk to him on the web cam.  Over the past 4 months Mike has become one of my dearest and closest friends.  I know I can talk to him about anything.  He is the kindest, most thoughtful guy I have ever known.  He sends me an average of 2 cards a week and he sent William a birthday package in August and Jessica one in September.  Mike lives in Girard Ohio and will be coming to Utah on Wednesday, October 7th, to stay with us for 2 weeks.  I feel so strongly for him.  I get butterflies when we talk and when I think about him.  He is so real and down to earth.  We have so much in common its crazy and I love it!  I love him!

A month and a half after we started talking with one another I came home one day to find 2 dozen of the most beautiful Gerber daisies I have ever seen.  He had these flowers delivered to me, because of a conversation we had had the week before.  The conversation was not about men sending women flowers, or of romance or anything of that light.  We were actually talking about decorating different rooms of a house and I was trying to describe a certain color, and decided on a gerber daisy that would show the color I was speaking of.  While speaking of Gerber daisies I mentioned that they were my favorite flower.  These are the flowers that arrived from Mike.  You can't see all 24 but they are there and they were the most beautiful flowers I have ever received.
    
I know we shouldn't compare people, but how does one learn and know what a person is like, what a persons character is, if you do not compare it to others that you have known.  Or in this case, others that I have dated.  This whole journey with Mike has felt like a fairy tale and I keep wondering when I will wake up or when it will end.  Because fairy tales don't happen, at least not to me.........   but what if...  what if it did happen?  What if my story could be one of those that you hear of?  When a man and a woman meet, in person or not, and find that their lives meld together almost perfectly, and when together in person they fall madly in love and live happily ever after.  Is that possible?  I am beginning to think so.  I am hoping that God is not playing some cruel trick on me or that I am not setting myself up to fall harder than I ever have.  But even if I do fall, I have felt more loved and appreciated by Mike than by any other guy.  And at the very least I now know what it feels like and I won't settle for anything less.  So this is where the comparisons come in to play...  I have dated many guys and have seen the red flags, thought to myself that I could settle for something less as long as there were certain "good" things in that relationship.  I turn the other cheek and forgive over and over.  Is it wrong to really want, what I feel I deserve.  And that I want to be able to give to someone that will appreciate it and enjoy it.  This is Mike...  I know he is not perfect, but he is what I have always wanted.  He is the man I thought about when I thought of marriage, of being with someone, having a relationship with.  This person never had a face, but now he does.

ok so....  enough rambling of my thoughts.  October 7th at 9:28am I am going to be picking Mike up at the airport and I can't wait to see him, smile at him , hug him and spend time with him in person.  Life is good!!